So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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