I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
