omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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