I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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