when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
