I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
