My pussy is not your playground.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
