A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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