He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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