i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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