Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
