I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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