Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
