Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
