Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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