i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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