my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
