Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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