It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
