$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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