I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
