My nipple is on Facebook.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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