There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
