Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
