Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
