I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
