i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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