just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
