So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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