And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
