After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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