Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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