she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had to cum in my sink.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
