I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
