Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
