3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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