Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
