I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
