Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
