is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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