It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
