Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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