Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
