I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
