he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
