glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
