I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
