I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
