Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
