Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
