Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
