if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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