Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
