i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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