just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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