You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
