her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We are two peas in an std pod
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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