That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
are you so shy because you have an std?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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