I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
