Please, let me fuck your mom
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
