Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
