Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
