ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize