Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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