i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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