When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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