They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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