I cannot find my penis.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize